James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife finale | ‘Sent a text’: Argument upsets decision

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The final stockman to whittle down his harem on Farmer Wants A Wife is challenged at the eleventh hour with a text message that raises questions – mainly regarding what telco plan the phone’s on because mobile service is notoriously patchy out there in the middle of nowhere.

Like all good finale twists, there’s a judgmental friend involved. She blows into town and proceeds to serve up stern facial expressions while grilling Farmer Joe with questions that are fed to her by producers.

Then, as her Rex flight takes off back to the big smoke, we hear it: The unmistakeable swoosh of a text message.

JAMES WEIR:Read all the recaps here

Who are we dealing with tonight? A bloke named Joe. And two sheilas: Sarah and Keely.

“I’m looking for someone who doesn’t need me – they just want me,” Farmer Joe confides in us.

Joseph, we’ve seen you semi-naked while chopping firewood. We all just want you.

It’s that time of the finale where producers roll out the friends and family of the ladies. Their task? Grill the harem’s shared boyfriend.

Sarah’s mate Em is up first.

“Are you falling for Sarah?” she asks.

Farmer Joe is immediately thrown off by this question. There’s just no way he could’ve possibly anticipated it.

“I’m ahh … I … ahh … I do really like Sarah,” he mumbles. “But I feel we haven’t completely fallen for each other yet. We’re not in love in that sense? … We haven’t got there yet but we definitely … want to be? If that makes sense?”

That question was the blindsiding of all blindsides. And that’s a big call. After all, reality television is Australia’s largest manufacturer of blindsidings.

Em is miffed.

“Joe was hesitant,” she snips.

She’s right. Farmer Joe should’ve divulged his every thought about the girl he has been dating for two weeks to this random woman he just met. What are you hiding, Joseph?

As Sarah and Joe settle in for one last catch-up over wine, we hear a familiar swoosh. A text message has landed.

“Em did message me and ask me to apologise,” Sarah says. “She thinks she was a bit harsh and some of the questions weren’t really fair.”

Wow. That’s refreshing. How nice of her! Joe’s a total gentleman about it and says Em has nothing to worry about.

“I don’t think she needs to apologise for being a good friend,” he gushes.

Sarah snaps to attention. She scrunches her face and glares at Joe.

“Why are you getting so heated with this?” she squints.

Um … what? Suddenly we’re in the middle of a fight and none of us know how we got here.

“I’m … not?” Joe replies, completely baffled. “I’m trying to stick up for your friend for being a good friend!”

Sarah scoffs and throws her hands in the air.

“I just don’t know why that got so tense though,” she scolds.

Joe scrunches his face. “I didn’t think it was that tense?”

As a rule of thumb, if you’ve made it to the finale of a reality show and you’re hoping the guy picks you, maybe don’t cut sick with an argument over a perceived slight.

“I never felt awkward around Sarah before … so that threw me,” Farmer Joe tells us.

Is it enough to make him dump her at the final decision ceremony? What if this behaviour is a sign of things to come? He’ll be walking on eggshells every time he dares to do something nice for her. Flowers? How rude! A lift to the airport even though it’s 90 minutes away from the farm? You’re so selfish!

Farmer Joe weighs up his options one last time. Yes, he likes the other chick Keely. But she’s a free spirit who loves nothing more than nabbing a bargain on Jetstar’s Friday Fare Frenzy and whizzing off on a whim to glamorous destinations like Yeppoon and Newcastle. She’s simply not ready for farm life.

So he picks Sarah.

“We’ve had some tough times. I felt you pull away,” he tells her. “I like that you challenge me. I don’t have all the answers — but I do see myself falling for you in the future.”

Naw. Those were almost compliments. … Almost.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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