Bianca Dye: Radio star on being ghosted, dating in her 50s | Stellar, Something To Talk About

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The world can be divided between people who agree or disagree about whether you should eat pineapple on a pizza, take a screaming child to a fancy restaurant, or have sex on the first date. (Don’t ask me my opinion on any of these points, because you will judge me.)

But the latest debate is dividing opinions: Is it okay or not okay to leave a voice message instead of calling or texting?

Now, you can ask me what I think about this, and I’ll say that voice messages are here to stay. Let me give you a real-life example of how sending a voice message changed everything for me in the dating world (as if using dating apps at 50 wasn’t difficult enough).

Listen to the full interview with Bianca Dye as she talks about ghosting and modern dating on the Stellar podcast “Something To Talk About”:

Admittedly, I probably shouldn’t be dating right now. My mind jumps from “I’m so excited to share my life with someone special” to “I’m a perimenopausal, moody, bloated wreck right now and I should be focusing on my next radio/TV appearance and not what to wear on a date and is that a hole in my Spanx and, oh god, are we even going to get that far?”

When it came time to actually go on a date, I panicked. I pulled the plug.

I felt like a failure. It was a very personal situation for me and I didn’t want to discuss it on the phone with someone I barely knew. But I also wanted to be really honest with this guy and tell him that it wasn’t him – it was me.

I knew it was a risk. I knew I had to be brave, so I took a risk and left a seven-minute voicemail. Yes, seven minutes.

But hang in there, disgusted non-believers! It was a heartfelt and honest audio note about what I’m going through right now.

I pressed send, took a deep breath, and assumed I would never hear from him again. The next morning: *ping*. (Key word: dopamine rush.)

Not only did he listen to it, but he sent me a VM back! He said he had never used voicemail before, but was going to now.

He also said that when he heard how sincere I was and how vulnerable I sounded, he immediately felt compassion for me and wanted to get to know me better.

Wow. I would never have had the courage to say something like that on the phone. But there was something about being able to talk in private and let my thoughts flow, and it brought out a side of me that was brave enough to share.

If I hadn’t tried the voice message, we would never have met. (Update: Unfortunately, I’m still single.)

I have friends who are busy moms who say they don’t have time for long phone conversations and a quick message about their lives is the best way to stay in touch – especially with friends from out of state. You still feel “connected” but without the stress of constantly having to schedule a phone call that usually never happens.

One of my friends said to me, “I love voicemails, unless I’m out and about and can’t listen to them. Then I don’t know what people sent until I get home.”

I admit that sometimes it is a little difficult to listen to a voice message when you don’t have your AirPods with you and you are wearing Woolies.

And I have a few friends who say they can’t hear mine when they’re in the car with kids because I swear too much. Sorry. My bad.

I know they’re not for everyone, but every time I manage to get someone to use voicemail, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling that I’m somehow helping people communicate on a deeper level. Hey, it worked for me!

Listen to the full interview with Bianca Dye on Stellar’s “Something To Talk About” podcast. And watch her full shoot on “Inside Stellar,” out Sunday. For more from Stellar, click here.

Originally published as “We would never have met!” Bianca Dye on ghosting, a seven-minute voice message and the reality of dating in your 50s

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